We'll Be Okay

I was talking with a friend at work the other night about my personal life. We’re both mothers of two who don’t get a lot of sleep and I was sharing the list of things that aren’t working right now. This isn’t something that I normally do. I usually keep to myself all the stuff that isn’t working hoping that by not addressing it, I’m not drawing any energy or attention to it.

But I realized recently that sometimes you have to share the stuff that’s going on to find answers  and to grow and to move your life forward.

I was telling her that Deryk and I finally admitted to ourselves just this week how hard it is to care for our 3 year old daughter with type 1 diabetes.  It’s been a part of our lives and we’ve been doing amazing at caring for her for the last two years, but it’s been really tough.  There’s so much scheduling and planning and so much math and that’s on top of the 7-9 needles and just as many finger pokes. It’s a full time job.

So while I was telling my friend this she said wait a minute. Is this what you mean? And she grabbed her phone and read me this quote that she had saved. And it goes, 

"I’m tired of pretending like I’m stronger than I feel"

And I said YES!  That’s it. That’s exactly it.

"I’m tired of pretending like I’m stronger than I feel"

I am tired of pretending that I’m totally okay.

I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old and a puppy and an elderly dog all who need my care, usually at the exact same minute. I can physically feel the stress in my body. And I’ve been short tempered and grumpy lately and not acting like the me I know and the me I want to be. And I’ve gained 10 pounds over the past year.

I am not okay.

I have a lot on my plate. I’m exhausted. And caring for diabetes is hard.

And I think it’s important to admit this to ourselves. At least I know Deryk and I feel better being honest, finally, and I hope this is a break thorough for me.

I am not okay.

But I will be.

Because I know this is a phase that will pass.  My 3 year old will always have type 1 diabetes, but she’ll eventually start sleeping past 4:15am…AND start sleeping through the night. And then my 5 broken hours of sleep a night will turn in to a solid 6 or 7. And that sounds like heaven. 

I know I have  control over how this goes. 

For starters I’m going to see the social worker at the hospital. We just saw the doctor who we see once ever 3 months and I shared how the stress is starting to manifest in my body. Sso the doctor recommended that I see her. So that’s a new step that I’ll take. And and I know to continue with my nighttime meditations, my monthly massages and I’m going to start practising yoga regularly as well. 

Plus I’ve introduced green juice to my mornings. I bought a juicer over the March break and I’m in a new habit of juicing every morning which I know is one of the best things I that I can do for my body and my health and my energy levels. 

And while I’m not at the gym 5-6 days a week anymore, I’m still going 3-4 days a week so I’m getting that 2 hours of me time when I need it. 

Life isn’t always going to be smooth and easy. 

But Let’s be honest with ourselves about what’s really going on and then take the action to move forward. 

So that we can get back to a place of peace again.  

Which leads me to one of my favourite quotes that I know I’ve shared before but it’s important to remember what it means to find peace. 

Peace - It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

Have a beautiful week.

Sandy xo