Longing For Lust

A dear friend reached out to me recently and asked,

“Sandy, help! Any tips for low libido????????????  I literally never want to do it! He is alllll about it - and I just can't get there!”

I really wanted to give her the answer she was looking for. But the truth is, I’m in the same boat. 

Last year I went on a search to find the passion after having children and you can listen to some ideas that helped me here, Bring The Sexy Back.

They worked for the time being, but I’ve come to realize that this is something that I really need to work at!

And I’ve realized in talking to a lot of my friends that this is a common reality after having babies. Our bodies are so different now…and so are our priorities. 

But we have to remember that a marriage or a partnership goes two ways. And my man’s love language is physical touch. 

And while it’s not mine, (I like acts of service, quality time and gifts out of nowhere, once in a while) I have to understand that it’s his. Which means that even if I don’t feel in the mood, I still need to initiate sex once in a blue moon. To show him that I desire him and love him, because I really do. 

But my friend is asking how.

I came up with 3 things that I think can help. At least these are 3 things I’m going to do in my own relationship. 

1. Date Night. 

I think date night should be a priority at least once a month. We’ve made date night a priority before and somehow we always end up back in our usual cozy routine, making excuses like, ‘our daughter has diabetes and we can’t find a sitter’ or ‘we’re tired so let’s stay in and watch a movie instead’. I think getting out of the house is so important. It helps us to see our partner/spouse as a person (the person we fell in love with!) and not just a co-parent or a roommate.  And it gives us both a break from the kids, even if just for a few hours. Regardless of how busy we are, let’s make that commitment to our relationships?  Who cares if you’re always the one planning it. We shouldn’t wait for it to happen when we have the control to make it happen for ourselves!

2. Buy Lingerie.

I know I feel sexy in new, let’s say “intimates”. So I am making a commitment to buying some new sexy panties and pj’s. It’ll definitely help me to be in the mood and I know it shows that I want the passion back as much as he does. 

3. Find A Time That Works.

Okay, so this might be the hardest part. We’re tired. And by the time the kids are in bed, sex is the last thing on our mind. But, it’s usually the first thing on theirs. Why?! Because they’re men and they pretty much all speak the same love language! I don’t know if that’s true, but I do know that my best time is early afternoon, and that time never works. So, again, I think it’s recognizing the connection is important and making an effort anyways. What we’ve decided to do is to pick two nights a week where we know we’re getting under the sheets. I know it’s not spontaneous or hot and sexy but we’re also past the honeymoon stage. And even though that kind of passion may not currently exist, the deeper love does. We know we have fun (we laugh a lot) and we know it feels so good!  And then we can both start to look forward to spending that time together. 

So if you’re in the same boat that we are, try one or all of these tips. And if they don’t work for you, let’s talk about other solutions for you. I do believe that with the right focus and energy, we can find a way to bring the spark back.

Whose with me?

Always wishing you more peace, balance, happiness, vibrant health and lasting love.

Sandy xo

*Oh! And if you’re curious to know your love language, find out here!