Keep The Love Alive

So, with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I wanted to touch on something pretty important. It’s about keeping the love alive in your relationship. Now, if you don’t have a significant other and would like one, I have some tips for you also. So keep reading.

Alright, so my partner Deryk and I have been together for over 6 years now. We started as two carefree souls who believed in head over heels love, with a 13 hour first date and within our first year of being together we decided to start a family. We’re so lucky and that happened really quickly for us, our first born daughter Reese is now 5 years old. And then there’s Quinn. Our youngest daughter who’ll be 3 in April. We’ve been through a lot over the past 2 years with our youngest being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at just 8 months. It’s been a huge learning curve but we stay positive and focused on her health without worry. And she’s thriving.  And we’re happy. And Deryk and I are strong. 

Now, I’m not the same woman I was when I met Deryk. Obviously I’ve gone through a lot as a mother. And he’s not the same man. We’ve both grown exponentially and I’m very proud of the parents that we’ve become, the people we’ve become and the role models we’ve become.  But we have schedules that are opposite one another and don’t get those carefree days anymore. But we know the importance of making time to spend together and even if it’s just for 30 minutes at the end of the day we cuddle and we hold hands. I love him dearly. I adore his commitment to his family and his commitment to me. And I’m grateful for the balance that he brings to my life. 

But I’ll be honest. I don’t always feel this way about my relationship. Sometimes I’m exhausted and I’m not in the right mind space.  For an example, we had a fight recently. And I said some hurtful things. And when that happened for me or when that happens for anyone, when you’re in that negative mind-space it’s easier to focus on what’s not being done around the house or what not working in your relationship.  The trick is to get over it quick. Think about what you’re grateful for instead. If you stay in this negative mind space it can become the demise of your relationship. I’ve seen it happen to countless friends and I don’t wish it upon anyone. 

The truth is, often all it takes is this simple perspective shift - the shift to gratitude for everything your significant other does and the two of you can become a happy and loving partnership again.   

For me with my relationship recently, I was feeling like we needed more time together away from the tv. I work 5 evenings a week and this has become a habit of ours to snuggle in front of the tv. And on my two evenings off I found we’d get into a movie or something earlier than usual. And I loved it. It’s cozy and warm and you know it’s perfect in the winter. But I started feeling a bit resentful. And I came to realize that I stopped spending my downtime doing the things I really loved. I needed that to come back. Like painting and writing. Two things that I’ll be committing time  to at least once a week. I’m going to create that time and save space for those projects because they matter to me. That and making time for girlfriends. Do the things that fill your soul.  And who knows, maybe a year from now I’ll have my screen play finished. It’s the love story about how Deryk and I met and I can’t wait to share it with you. I was 35 when we met and my goal is to show the world that love can exist when you’re 30. You can still meet the person of your dreams and get married and have children. If that’s what you want. It doesn’t end when you’re 30. 

Okay. So I’m going to give you a few tools to help you switch from a negative mind space to one of Gratitude. 

The first is to create a list of all the things you love about your significant other. Whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed or upset with them, go back to your list. Take the time to really feel the gratitude for all of the amazing things they are and do. 

Re-write your love story. This is something that I’m currently doing. I think this is an amazing tool for anyone in a relationship who would like to bring the love back. You don’t have to physically do the work like I am, but in your mind recall the person you feel in love with. Spend time reflecting on the earlier days and remember why you fell in love with them. 

Take time for the two of you. It can be so easy to make excuses for not doing a date night. But realistically our relationships need commitment and invested time. Enjoy one another’s company outside of the home, especially if you have young children. And trust me, I know this can be tricky.  We haven’t been very good at getting out for date nights much. But I’ve started alternating one night a month with a neighbour friend so they at least get 6 date nights a year and so do we. We recognize that we both need that and so we’ve created that for time for ourselves.  

This is the one that I found helpful recently and that’s to redefine your me time. What do you want to be doing on your evenings off. Make sure you make the time to do the things you love. 

And lastly, and this is for you - even if you’re single, focus on what you want. Focus on the love. Instead of talking to everyone about what’s not working or what’s lacking, stop talking about it and start spending some time giving gratitude for the love in your life. And here’s a secret, even if they don’t yet exist. Feel the love as though it’s in your life now.  What we spend our time thinking about grows. It’s the law of attraction and when you can visualize and feel that love as if it was exactly as you wished it would be, and you believe in that, it will come. I know from experience. 

We’re all exactly where we’re supposed to be right now. We’re all learning life’s lessons at the exact pace we’re supposed to be. When we can really focus on the love everything comes together. Believing in love is powerful and we all deserve to open ourselves to that genuine love. And by staying focused on the things that you love about someone and coming back to a place of gratitude and staying positive mind-space you can keep the love alive. 

On that note I’ll say goodbye with a quote dedicated to my partner Deryk. 

"I choose you. And I’ll choose you over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heart beat, I’ll keep choosing you".

Sandy xo