Healthy Boundaries

A couple of weeks ago a girlfriend said something to me that really stuck. I can’t recall the exact phrasing, but the comment was about how I wasn’t ever willing to compromise my time. That if we were to make plans, it would have to be a specific day that works for me, that I don't move things around. She and I are all about the deep conversations and she’s someone I love and value very much. I listened without reacting and I told her that I actually don’t understand the opposite…how people can be so accommodating to others. My time is something I value very much and so I only make plans when it works for me and my girls. But her comment still had me in a place of ponder beyond our conversation.

And so I talked to a couple other people in my life who both said the same thing. That it’s really healthy to have these boundaries around our time. My sister being one of the people I talked to, admitted that she wished she had been more mindful of her boundaries sooner. I truly would feel out of balance if I let other people dictate how I spend my time. Now that sounds a bit dramatic as I write this, but what I mean, is that I decide how my life goes. And I certainly don’t mean to say that my friend is a pushover. She’s kick ass. I’m simply saying, I’m the one creating my life, and if something doesn’t work for me and my girls, then I’m going to trust that. I’m not going to bend and twist things to accommodate others. I’m going to choose the things that work.

My friend also said that she learned this long ago and accepts this about me. We value our time together immensely, both having 2 little girls, it’s been a fun 7 years of friendship. It’s often more work to spend time together, but we teach our little souls as we go and laugh and cry (mostly me) along the way. I always make time for her, but she's right…when it works for me.

Now she also does what works for her. She has found a way to accommodate friends and family on short notice with all the kindness in her heart. And I’m sure that has a lot to do with the way she was raised. Quite opposite from my upbringing. And I’m sure being a single mom with a diabetic daughter has played a roll in my stringent nature. But I trust it all. And I’m both happy and confident with my choices and value the people in my life who accept this about me.

But I certainly do promise to be more mindful about the needs of my friends. And I will revisit what my expectations are around the boundaries that I create for myself, periodically.

Is it time you think about your healthy boundaries and what that looks like? It could be that you need to say no a little more. Just sayin’.

Wishing you more peace, balance, happiness, vibrant health and lasting love.

Sandy xo

"What we think, we become." -Buddha