Bring The Sexy Back

I had a revelation before starting this podcast that I should be sharing more personal stories. Like some pretty intimate stuff. So that you can relate AND come to know for certain that you’re not the only one having these experiences. Please know that you're not alone. 

And I also realized that I need to be more intentional with my message. So I’ve been spending more time in preparation for my recordings, starting this week. I think it’s important to be vulnerable. So thanks in advance for listening. 

What I’m about to share isn’t easy.

My partner Deryk and I have been together for 7 years now. We have two beautiful girls together, Reese is 5 and Quinn is 3. And we share a lot of love. And we even had a pretty active sex life. At least I thought once a week was good. And we have incredible sex. And it’s so much fun.  But I didn't feel the desire to go to the bedroom. I always did it because I knew it would be amazing. But we recently admitted that the passion was gone. He told me that he didn’t feel desired anymore and that was hard for him to tell me. And it was hard for me to hear. I love him. But I also knew that I hadn’t felt my libido kick back in since I stopped nursing in March. I nursed for five years straight and what I learned about nursing is that it releases hormones that affect our sexual desire. I needed to start with allowing myself to feel sexual again. Motherhood changed me. But I knew I wanted that spark back in a big way. 

I opened the conversation with my girlfriend. And in talking with her and even her husband, he too didn’t feel desired anymore, I realized that this story is quite common. And it’s sad really. But realizing it and admitting it, that’s the first step. And then began my action plan. 

The first thing that I did was go with some girlfriends to a store in Toronto called WonderWorks. It’s a spiritual store and I went the intention of getting some beaded crystal bracelets. Crystals hold beneficial energies that heal our body and mind as well as aid in our spiritual practice, personal grounding, and balancing our environment. I choose 3 different stones to help with sexual energy, libido and connecting the heart chakra. So fluorite, garnet and lava. And since the lava beads are porous, I also picked up an essential oil called ylang ylang, one of the benefits being to increase sexual desire. And I put a couple of drops on it every day. 

And that’s not all. I’m also being more mindful of how sexy I feel wearing my lace underwear and I pulled out a gorgeous silk robe that I owned but never wore and realized that I feel really sexy when I wear it. 

I also started buying red wine which is totally out of character for Deryk and I. But we’re loving having a glass while hanging out together. We’ve recently been playing battleship outside on our patio. My dad had our old game from childhood that he was looking to get rid of. We’ve been having so much fun with that. It’s nostalgic and it's so simple. So we’re able to chat while playing. And we’ve been talking about everything. Serious stuff and stuff we want together in our future...stuff about the kids. So it’s the spending that quality time together. And even after 7 years we’re continuing to discover each other. 

And we started date night again. So my neighbour friend and I started this a while ago and weren’t able to continue it until our schedules opened up and now that they have we’re rotating at least once a month. And last week I took Deryk to Toronto for sushi and it was a surprise and an incredible night. We went in when it was sunny and when we came out it was a monsoon!  It was so much fun.  We realized we needed to get out of our house. We needed time together just us, without our kids. And we’ve realized the need and the value in having this consistent time. So we even have two each booked for the month of September and both couples will be rotating and planning surprise date nights. And for us that brought back the element of surprise that we needed. 

It’s so important that we work to kept our relationships together. The stresses of parenting are real. Plus our youngest has type 1 diabetes. And let’s face it. We all have something. It’s our focus on growing stronger together that helps us through it. It’s our patience and trust that everything will be okay. It’s visualization...so picturing my family growing together, and us enjoying coffee on the back deck together...at least this is my focus. But also an action plan with the power of intention. 

I met a women the other day who has been married for 30 years and she said something like this. “You might think that the grass is greener on the other side.  But water your own grass and that’s where it grows”. And she’s so right.

Thanks for reading!  If this resonates with you, I'd love to hear from you!  Send me an email at sandyjamieson7@gmail.com

Have a beautiful week!

Sandy xo