All In

I often feel like a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to the topic of healthy eating. I talk the talk but lately I haven’t been walking the walk. 

Being mindful of what I’m eating has been a focus of mine for many years. It was way back in 2003 when I had a sensitivity test that showed my slight intolerance to sugar and wheat. I would always get bloated. And at the time, I was able to make the shift and I switched to everything gluten free and no longer used white sugar or white flour. (Actually I still can’t bake with either).

Anyways that continued for many years, although whenever I would eat out or go to family dinners, I wasn’t so strict. I didn’t like others having cater to me. 

Then when I had my daughters, nursing them required me to be dairy free. So, I added that to the mix, even though it was one of the hardest things I’ve done to date. I loved my coconut yogurt and chocolate milk. And I nursed for 5 years straight. CRAZY right? In fact at one time I was nursing both girls at the same time. 

So I learned to live without dairy. But knowing that I was giving that to my children, gave me the strength to say no. 

It’s been 6 months since I stopped nursing and I’ve gotten into some really bad habits. I’ve been saying yes to dessert a lot and Deryk’s love for pizza has turned in to a bad habit for both of us...often one night a week. I already know that sugar is my trigger.

Unlearning the phase “all or nothing” hasn’t been easy for me. I’m still working to let go of that mentality.

I’ve learned to forgive myself of these indulgences though and also to be more patient with my journey. I’ve learned that this is all part of it, so I no longer feel regret for my choices. And maybe that was something I needed to fully understand. 

But I’ve also started to really pay attention to what I love about pizza nights. And it’s not the pizza or the brownies.  It’s the experience of enjoying it with the person I love. And that’s the habit that’s been really hard to break. It’s so cozy to snuggle up with pizza and a good show. We just finished the last season of Brooklyn 99, which is amazingly funny, if you’ve never watched it. I love the vibration I feel when I watch shows that keep me laughing. The Ranch is another one. It’s hilarious. 

Anyways, something really BIG for me was when I recognized that I have a food addiction. I’m pretty sure that I’ve admitted that to you in the past. It hasn’t been easy for me to talk about, but eating pizza then triggers my want for more junk food. And if I’m not following a diet or a meal plan, I feel like I have a ticket to eat anything I want. 

But I know this needs to stop. I need to start being WAY more kind to my body. 

I recently talked about my eczema. The back of my neck and my hands are itchy with cuts and rough skin. I know my body has been telling me for the past 7 years to pay attention. And I’ve made many some really positive changes over the years but I haven’t been able to nail down my exact food triggers that are causing my skin to react. And so I started eating everything again. And overeating. 

So, I’ve decided to commit to a two month cleanse, and I start tomorrow, where I’ll be following the rules of the plant paradox diet. I incorporated this eating philosophy months ago but I’ve been eating restricted things too.  I managed to do 3 weeks straight months ago, but a part of me got scared that I’ll never have pizza again and that led to ordering just one more time before I start. And maybe you know what happens with “one more time?”  There’s always just one more time. 

What I realized is that I have to stop looking at this new way of eating as forever. Even looking at two months feels a bit overwhelming. Instead, it’s one day at a time. My girlfriend Tina reminded me of that. I’m also doing this cleanse with her. She suffers from psoriasis and gets hives from eating things not recommended on the plant paradox diet. Anyways, we’ve both been trying to do this consistently and finally are starting it on the same day. 

We’re both finally all in. 

It’s going to be hard but I know I can do this. I know that my mind is strong and that I have the control. Right now I don’t feel like I have the control over the food I’m putting in my body. It’s time to be completely mindful. 

Through this journey I’m also going to be mindful to give energy to my healing process and say affirmations like “I am grateful to be healed”. So I’ll be taking time to meditate and visualize my skin looking healthy again.

And I’ll believe in the outcome.

It doesn’t matter that I’ve tried many things in the past 7 years that haven’t worked for me. I know that I deserve to live pain free.

I know that I deserve to live the life that I desire. And the life I desire doesn’t include itchy, sore and bleeding skin. 

You also deserve to live the life you deserve. 

Do you know that? 

So, what could you be doing differently that will help you to feel better, in any aspect of your life? I know we all have something that we wish we could change or some area that needs healing. It’s time to be honest so we can fully heal and step into our full potential. 

We all have the strength to make positive changes. I believe in myself. And I believe in you. And it’s time you started believing in yourself.

Sandy xo